Has suddenly become not my own and I am close to losing it. I want to make any apologies now to those of you for the following rant… but if I don’t get this off my chest I shall go nutzoid on a few people. I am also hoping for some unbiased opinions on how I should proceed from here.
As a few of you are aware, I have had a house guest for the better part of a year now. You are also aware that I have had a bunch of puter problems in the recent past. These two things are intertwined and at the center of my distress.
This person downloaded a program onto my old computer and via that program it picked up a virus that all but killed it. It was behind all those months of downtime and repairs. Recently, as you may or may not know… I got a new puter. I gave the guest his own private rights to access the net and do his thing. He took liberties without asking and downloaded this program again. When I found out, of course, I was reasonably upset. I told him that I was unhappy… but never did I threaten to take away his user privledges. In a single, stupid move on his part – that all changed.
From here, I am going to give some background and then copy and edit for privacy an e-mail explanation that I sent a family member. Then I ask you… what would you have done and what would you do now?
This person sent an e-mail to me yesterday telling me what he thought of me. I didn’t stoop to his level and reply. I kept silent. Then today, he sent out a blast e-mail to several groups, his friends, his daughter and my step-daughter that implied some nasty things about me without mentioning names.
Here is my response to an inquiry from my aunt about what happened after I mentioned to her that he had hurt my feelings deeper than he could ever know and will ever know:
He has been very overbearing lately… totally forgetting that without us he would be on the street. He has tried numerous occasions to drive a wedge between me and hubby and me and son. He has threatened to hit my son if he ever disrespected him
again. My son is tired of having 3 parents and I can’t honestly blame him, so he lashes out at the guest all the time. The guest stood in my livingroom and told me that “I have already told your hubby that if your son disrespects me again I will hit him.” I told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever laid a hand on my child he will
have crossed that fine line boundry and he would be gone.So lately I have tried to stay away from him because he is always starting trouble and stirring up shit that isn’t there. Yesterday he sent me a very threatening e-mail (in my mind) that I was “not to ever say another cross word to him or to threaten to kick him out of my house or I would cause him to force his hand.” I took that as a very real threat to me and mine, besides the fact that I had a very vivid dream the night before that he physically attacked my son and had hurt him badly and that I had to in turn attack him to save my son.
So I told him plain as day so no mistakes could be made that he had chosen the wrong person to threaten. I also told him that he was no longer allowed to use my computer because he was downloading programs that I had not approved first and one of which had destroyed my old computer.
His letter told me that he and my hubby are best friends and that it was him and the hubby against me. That I was a liar and lazy and a cheat. He told me that I would have to evict him from MY home. I got so angry and upset from his threats that I immediately left work, called the police and filed a report with them that I was afraid of him, then I proceded to the courthouse and filed a notice of eviction because the police told me that was my only legal option because he has been in my house a year.
He believes that that I can’t file for eviction papers because “It takes two signatures” and that the hubby would not allow it. Little does he know that he will be served most likely by Friday and will have only 7 days to respond. He will have to go to court to do that and probably does not have any gas money to do so. On the eighth day if he doesn’t respond, I can legally, with police presence, kick him out of my house.
The part that hurts me is this:
*It was my idea to allow him into our home. We felt sorry for him.
*He has forgotten that he was going to be homeless.
*He has forgotten that we have fed him for a year and put a roof over his head.
*He has forgotten that he was nursed back to health by us simply because he was given 3 square meals a day… out of our pockets.
*He has never had to pay a dime… no rent, no utilities – just his own bills.
*He has maybe cooked 6 meals total for us in a years time.
*He has NEVER helped us clean house and has maybe done dishes in the dishwasher every other week.
*When there is work to be done he is all talk, but conveniently disappears when it is time to do it.
I can go on and on, but I am hurt because I am “injust and evil” and he sent that letter out to the world, including to my step-daughter. So, now I have a house
pest that is going to cause me even more pain before he is gone.
he has also been very vocal in his opinions about our parenting skills and yet his daughter is the reason he lost his house. He has told my son bad things about both me and the hubby when we have not been around to hear it. He has repeatedly tried to act as if he was my sons parent, including representing himself as my hubby once when the school principal called my house. This list can go on forever but I think you get the gist.
He has no money and no where to go… but that is no longer my problem.
I have to lose the guilt over kicking him out and I have to wait for the law to do their thing before I can truly say what is in my heart to say to this person. I will not give him an ounce of anything to hold over me, but I cannot tell you how much pain this has already caused me. Heart and mind. I feel I have no choice but to do what I have already done and to not back down.
What would you do?
Sounds like it’s high time to kick him out, your hubby should have done that long before now. This “friend”
has been abusing your friendship and kindness.
There’s a saying: Fish and company go bad in three days. Your company is at the point of “decomposing” .
The guest was compost a long time ago but I felt sorry for the guy. I can no longer afford him or myself that luxury. Maybe someday in the future he will see the error of his ways. he is a control freak and not even his daughter will take him in. sigh… hopefully he will see it clearly sooner than later.
If he were in my house he’d be afraid to go to sleep. I’d make sure of that.
Until the day you can kick him out with the police, will you and your son be safe there? Is it wise to find somewhere else to spend a week?
Having been in a similar situation, I can honestly tell you there’s only one solution.
Wave ‘buh-bye’ to him as he walks out the end of the driveway, with the admonition that, should anything untoward happen to the child, you, the car, the house… that the police will be called – quickly. Or, as above – have the authorities assist in removing him so that they can see firsthand how ‘he is’.
It won’t change, at least not for the better. Been there, done that, got ripped off and in trouble covering for not just ONE person, but the whole dysfunctional family I tried to assist….
Let me tell you how I feel about house guests…
Nah… I think you already know!!!
Phoenix, I have tried so many times to come in here and now I see the reason it just would not load but freeze up is probably because of whatever was going on with your computer. I tried from three different computers in two states.
I know I’m overstepping but if hubby is really siding with this guy? You may think about evicting TWO people. And if he threatens to hit your kid and does it? Don’t just evict him…file charges.
Take care of you.
There is nothing to be guilty about; you gave this recalcitrant yutz more chances than any one person deserves, especially in view of how he conducted himself as a ‘guest’. Nothing to apologize for, back down from, or regret, other than perhaps to have waited so long. But no reason to regret that now, either. You’ve done it. If he won’t (he’s made a choice here, simple as that) take care of himself, that’s not your problem. He had a year to prove otherwise. It’s time for you to put this behind you.
I keep wondering why so many people feel guilty about doing the right thing. This IS the right thing, too, so you ought not to feel guilty/badly/wrong about it. I have watched this little drama from afar, and I realize that you haven’t seen the larger picture because you were too close to it, so I am glad that you have started the process to get this foul, vile, disgusting person out of your home.
What everyone forgets is that guests have responsibilities to the host, just as the host has to the guest. *sigh* The medieval ‘guest laws’ really need to make a comeback…
You have nothing to feel guilty about. NOTHING! You did the right thing for the wrong person. What is sad is that another person might have appreciated all that you have done but THIS ONE should have been kicked to the curb a LONG time ago.
Hang in there…Take care of you!
Huggles and Love,
Raggedy
I’m with the others… did all you can do. Time to cut your losses and move on.
save the son, get yourself some breathing room, a year is too long. Shoo him away like the annoying pest he is. I will buy the new locks for all your doors ( and windows)
time for that “peter pan” to grow up, get a job, and live on his own, hopefully FAR away.
there are computer passwords, and administrator settings to prevent this in the future, i just don’t know any of them.
keep us updated – counting down the days with you.
HOUSE guest is gone!