Hi there once again from Hell central. I know it is not really as bad as it could be or as Carlo would say “It could always be worse”, but some days it seems it is. This past week has been one of those bad ones.
Anyone interested in a 14 year old? He’s free… lol
I swear that I had no idea how tough it was going to get. I thought the terrible twos was bad… I was just kidding myself. 14 is, so far, the absolute worst. He doesn’t just test any more. He pushes, and hard.
What started my latest adventure in teen angst land? School. Can you believe it? The best time of any kids life and he absolutely hates it. No, he loathes it with a passion far beyond his young years and I do not have a clue why.
It all started a week ago last Friday with a phone call from one of his teachers. “Mrs. Phoenix? Could you please come in next Wednesday for a Parent – Teacher conference?”
“Sure, but isn’t it awfully early in the year for one of these?”
“Yes, Ma’am, but I feel it is very necessary.”
“OK. What time? 10:15 am will be fine” Click…
To myself: “Shit, what has he done now?”
I already had taken a half day Monday for the dish guys and a few hours that Friday for the phone/internet guys and now I was looking at least another hour with his homeroom teacher.
Wednesday arrives and I try to dress a bit more parentish for work… usually it is comfy clothes for working because no one actually sees me at work except for my 3 co-workers. At 9:45am I hit the road full of dread – not knowing what to expect.
I wish I had been forewarned at least a little. Just a little…
I enter the school and sign in, get my badge and they start paging his teacher. Suddenly I am surrounded by teachers and being led into the library conference room. Before the meeting begins I am joined by every. single. teacher. he. has. No shit folks… all of them. Add to the mix – his principal, a councilor and the graduation coach (in case you don’t know what this is – in 8th grade they have a teacher to help coach you on to high school). Me, myself and I up against 9 educators. Sigh.
My son has only been in school 3 weeks and he is already failing. Not trying. Being disrespectful to his teachers. Not cooperating. Not participating. Already had several silent lunch punishments. Had already been in a fight and to the principals office twice. He had been falling asleep in class and not turning in his homework. But get this… he was testing well and passing one class – science. It just doesn’t make sense to me and I am just a bit more than over whelmed by it all.
The principal decided that it was time for niceties to be over and that we all had to get tough. His action plan – which all the teachers have to follow:
Week 1: Continue with silent lunches but he has to improve his demeanor and participate in class. All homework has to be turned in.
Week 2: All misconduct now sends him straight to the principals office.
Week 3: Continued misconduct and he gets out of school suspension.
After that he ends up in Alternative School – which by the way is not an option as far as we are concerned.
My plan of action:
He is grounded until he gets a passing report card – period. This grounding includes…
Confinement to the house and yard.
No friends over.
No play station.
Limited use of his cell phone AFTER all homework is done, then he has to give it back to one of us.
No My Space or computer use.
More chores.
In bed by 9:30pm on school nights, 10pm on weekends.
He has to take anger management at school with a councilor and join a club at the school for troubled teens.
The above things are torture to him… so I hope it has an impact on his mind.
I don’t know if I am doing all the right things, but with some luck and a lot of prayers… well, one can hope right?
Oh man, what else can go wrong. Myself, thinking that the HG needs to leave NOW….and that MOM & DAD knuckle down..and play close attention to this child in trouble, any way they can.
In the olden days, people would rally around a troubled family member and get them back on track. This is most certainly important right now. This is a crucial time for Michael…for he stands on the fence and could go either way. AND….he is a BIG BOY…so you are going to have to stand strong and not bend. PYAYERS are in progress!
I agree this will be crucial on which way he’ll go. Our son started skipping school at 14, started smoking at school and despite a school rule, that 8 graders could only smoke with parents permission and we specifically told the principal and teacher that he did not have permission, nothing was done. His dad would drive him to school and take him to the homeroom. No one stopped him from leaving. You’re lucky the teachers are interested to actually do something.
Much later we found out that he’d been threatened by the school’s toughest guy, so he dropped out. It’s a long unhappy story and at 28 he’s still angry and not fully “functioning” as a contributing member of society. Your aunt Judy is right. Stand strong. Our son’s name is the slavic endearment form of Michael. In Russian it’s Misha, in Tschekoslovakia it’s Mischo. I’ll add my prayers! Best wishes!! Oh, yes, keep that sense of humour, it’s what kept me sane.
Not being a parent, and barely remembering my own so-called “rebellious phase”, all I can say is do the best you can do. Good thoughts your direction!
Keep track of the schoolwork, glad to know the teachers are right there with you. Sounds like you’re going to have a lot of fun nights for awhile. Best of luck. Let me know if you feel like screaming.
I had typed out a big long response the day you posted this and was in such a hurry I forgot the spam protection and then lost my response and didnt have time to reply again.
First.. I think you are being nice.. I do not mean to be rude about your parenting. After all I do not have a 14 year old but I remember 14 well and I remember my parents very well.. I do believe you are being way too nice..
When I started acting out.. My confinment wasnt just to the house and yard.. No it was to my room period. I was only allowed my bed, books, and radio and that was it.. I was only allowed out to use the bathroom and eat dinner. That was it..
The cell phone.. Would be non existant. There would be no limited use after home work. It would be gone for good until he could prove he deserved it. Its not a needed thing. Its not a have to have. Its a want.. It is not something he should be freely or gauranteed to be given back. it would be gone. Its something that he should understand that he only will get it back when he deserves it and that means acting right for longer than a week or two or three.. Sounds like his whole attitude needs changed. You owe your son nothing when it comes to the games, computer, cell phone, friends coming over, etc. Those are all rewards for being a good kid. Not something kids are owed.
As for the school. This has been going on for how long now? How come you were not notified earlier? How come they let it get so far out of control before contacting you? He has been to the principals office twice? And they just now contact you? Thats absurd! Here you are called or sent a letter in the mail when your child is sent to the principals office.