His Phoenix

WARNING: This post is completely subjective and is only Carlo’s opinion. You may or may not find this offensive. If you become offended it is your own fault since you didn’t have to read it in the first place.

Love.
Big broad subject that defies definition. Well, I am not going to try to define it; I am going to try to describe it. Biblically, the closest description that I can make is “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love” – 1John 4:18(KJV Reference Version)

Love, true love, perfect love, is placing the other’s best interests above your own desires. This is never easy, but that is how I see it. Love is not about possession or ownership or gloating or superiority, love is about love. If a person loves someone for the sex or the appearance or the money or the prestige, then that is not love. You see, in true love, none of that matters. True love has no jealousy, no fear, and no anger. If it has any (or all) of these, then it is not true.

Is it possible to love more than one person at one time? This would seem to be a dumb question, however (comma), it is vital to understanding my viewpoint. First, let me define “love more than one person at one time.” What I mean by this question is can I love more than one woman (since I am both male and heterosexual) romantically at one time? To me the answer is an unqualified yes. I can (and do) love more than one woman at this very moment. I even desire them. However, I have no right to manipulate or pressure them into my way of thinking. If I am to love them perfectly, then I have to respect them, as well. If I am to respect them, then I must respect their wishes and their decisions. This does not mean that I have to remain silent about my disagreement with their decisions, what it means is that I cannot try to change their minds.

So, I don’t. I simply make my viewpoint known and move on. If I force or coerce or trick a woman into doing my bidding, then I show that I do not respect her decisions and I do not respect her enough to let her live her own life. If, for example, she is married and I get her to leave her husband for me (as opposed to her leaving for other, completely valid, reasons), then I have demonstrated that jealousy and possession are my reasons, and that the love is not true.

So, true love means that you have to accept the other’s decisions; that you have to live your own life and let them live theirs; that you have to be independent. True love means that you have to accept them for who they are.

A while back I posted about how, when I was younger I was looking for a partner that would “complete” me, and now I am looking for a partner that complements me. If I am to find that partner, then I will have to accept that she will probably disagree with me on a number of topics, and that I am not necessarily going to change her mind. I also have to understand that what she wants may or may not be what I want from the relationship and that we will have to come to an understanding about it.

This understanding must include an agreement that she will not be able to change me and I will not be able to change her. The reason for that is that if I cannot accept her as she is then I obviously do not respect her.

Love does not suffer comparison. I cannot say that one person is better than another, just as I cannot say that I love one woman more or better than another.

As a side note, why is it that some people try to change others? I have noticed it more in women than in men, but I am certain that men do it, as well. What I mean is, from my perspective, why do some women try to change their men instead of loving them as they are? I have heard it said that men love women for who they are; women love men for who they can change them into. I know that this is a generalization and is not completely true, however, there is a grain of truth to it.

Carlo