Let me start this out with a very simple statement: I love women. Earlier I have talked about what I find attractive about women, and how it is not what the “typical†male is drawn to. Mind you, I will never stop looking at women, most men won’t, so if you are a jealous woman, be prepared for my observations on that subject, as well.
I digress, and I need to get back to the subject. The subject of this particular post about women is what I find sexy. Women are, in general, attractive, however, there are certain women that draw men to them like moths to a flame, and these are the so-called “sex-bombs.†Phoenix has talked about a few of them on this blog, and the one that immediately springs to mind is Mae West. Some others are (in my opinion and in no particular order) Bettie Page, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Monica Belluci, Charlize Theron, Elizabeth Taylor, Sharon Stone and, of course, Marilyn Monroe.
What do all of these women have in common? Confidence. Whether they pose nude or not, they know what they want, they enjoy their femininity, and they are themselves. There is a way that they all carry themselves that shows that whether you like them or not, they are who they are. They are all comfortable with who they are, and sexuality is part of that. The total acceptance of who they, and the total lack of shame is what I draws men.
OK, I admit, I am a man and I like looking at naked women, however, one of the sexiest pictures that I have seen is of Angelina Jolie in a full length, formal leather dress. To me, sexy is an attitude, a way of carrying oneself, and it comes from within. I have seen women that are drop dead sexy in a pants suit, and women that are a total turn off in lingerie. It is the bearing that makes it so. For example, I have asked a few women that I know if they would ever consider posing for Playboy. I usually get a weird look and a comment like, “I’d never be asked,†or, “I’m not pretty enough.†I ask this to find out if they have the confidence to do it, not to try to get them to do it. I hope that makes sense, because, to me, the women that do pose for Playboy are sexier because they have that confidence.
If I were to try to tell you what makes a woman “sexy†in my mind, it would be pride, confidence, comfort, honesty, openness, and joy. All of these things show in the way she moves, how she acts, the non-verbal communication that really attracts me (can you tell that I am a people watcher?).
The primary thing that kills sexiness is shame. If a woman is ashamed of herself, that kills all of the above. A woman cannot enjoy being a woman if she is ashamed of her femininity or her sexuality or her body or her looks. Shame always shows itself as self-consciousness or timidity. Unfortunately, in our society we teach girls that “good girls don’t.†Well, I have discovered that, while “good girls don’t,†real women DO! Real women know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it. Real women are comfortable with who they are and don’t really care if others like them or not. Real women don’t play games because they have enough confidence to let their partner be themselves (as long as they receive the same courtesy in return). Real women know that conversation is the real foreplay, and they revel in it.
I have met a few real women in my time, however (comma), with my shyness, I haven’t opened up to very many single real women. So, maybe I can find one out there that is willing to hold up her end of a conversation.
Sometimes I just don’t understand where your head could be at, and yet I do. Your comments about what makes a woman sexy is a contradiction of what you yourself are. You love confidence, but yet you are shy (or so you say). Everything that you are and feel is exactly what every other person on the planet feels and thinks. People never think they are “good enough” for the opposite sex, yet what we find wrong with ourselves is exactly what could draw someone to you.
For example: you find it hard to talk to women and you are shy, but you are self confident in your manner on the outside. You make an effort to be considerate of others, yet you don’t think you are good enough. These things, among many others are what attracted you to me in the first place. You are caring of my feelings, where no other man I personally know is. You worry about me, and ditto on the other men in my life. They could care less what I feel and think.
I think that you need to stop being so introspective and just be yourself. I happen to like and love you just as you are. I just wish I was single, because then I would show you what love and life should truly be like. You just haven’t had a chance to be yourself as yet… and I think you could use a big dose of it.
I think I could use some of that medicine myself…
It is all about comfort. You see, I have difficulty starting a conversation unless I know for certain that there is some common ground. The hard part is for me to get cofortable enough with someone to actually be myself. I have spent a number of years trying to get away from the habit of putting up a front for people to see, and that is a difficult habit for me to break. That is why I commented in an earlier post about the anonymity of the internet. I am getting better, though, and I am glad about that, because I have met some wonderful people because of it. Phoenix, you and Gidget have been working on me, and I am actually getting better, however, like I have said before, I am a work in progress.
We are ALL a work in progress. I’m 65 now, and learn something new about myelf every day.
I say, be comfortable with yourself, you are who you are, and just be that person. No fronts, no image, just you. You’d be surprised how many people you’d attract. I know I’m always attracted to the person who is not trying so hard to make things work…the one who just says, Hi….the one who makes eye contact across the room and smiles…the one who takes that chance and starts up a conversation not expecting anything from it….the one who just shrugs it off if the woman isn’t interested….
I suppose that’s confidence. Shy, outgoing, geeky, or studly, doesn’t matter. The only way to succeed is to try.