I got an email from a friend of mine yesterday. She told me that I am caring and generous and kind and friendly. Why is it that I can’t see these qualities in myself? Do I really dwell on the negative that much? Gidget and Phoenix have told me the same, but I still don’t see it. Maybe it is that they have not had to live with me, and they see me on my best behavior. Maybe they see what they want to see. Maybe I have conned them into believing all of this. I don’t really know, all that I know is that I am not that good of a person and I wish that I could see myself that way.
My biggest issue isn’t that I don’t believe that people feel that way about me, I wonder what is wrong with them because they feel that way. For example, I do not take compliments well simply because I do not believe that they can be true. Ask Phoenix and Gidget, I am certain that they have a number of stories about that…
I have been extremely lucky, some would say blessed, in the friends that I have made, and I know how special they are. From my childhood I have had great friends, and I have to say that I have tried to be a good friend to them, as well. Unfortunately, in my eyes, I have not. Maybe that is my problem, my standards are too high, and it is impossible for me to be that good. I cannot allow myself to stop trying, however, because I owe too many people too much for having a good influence on me.
I will say that I love them all, and some of them do not know how important that they are to me. Gidget and Phoenix know how special they are, and they both know that I love them. My German ex is one of my closest friends, and I consider myself blessed to have kept that friendship and to have shared our daughter. Kim and Philip teach me more every day. My mother, bless her patience, had to put up with me as a teen, and I would wish that on nobody. I have to say thank you to SteelCowboy for helping me work through a few personal issues: he didn’t know how important his sage and simple advice was. Carrie became a dear friend very quickly, and I am glad that I had the chance to get to know her. Nick and Virginia, Deborah and Bart, Rudy and Cathy, Tom, Kit, Grampa, Arnee and Dana all helped me in ways that I will never know.
If one is judged by the company one keeps, then I must be a great man. One of these days, I may even believe it.
Carlo
Some (not all) of us are our own worst critics. We simply don’t see ourselves as our friends and family do.
See my comment on the other post Mr. suddenly Chatty Chucky.
I am glad you are safe and OK. I just think that maybe you had one two many beers last night! 
You know we love you too sugar… and you are more than just the things your friend told you, but you won’t listen to me …. so… Muahhhhhhhhhhhh and big licks 
You don’t see it because you are used to it.
Its like when you work and sweat, you can;t smell yourself becuae you are used to it but the people around you would probably be happy oirf you took a shower and changed your clothes.
You are a kind person by nature and to you thats normal part of you but other see it better when compared to others they know.
Have a nice day
Carlo, what you’re saying is kind of like when we look in the mirror, we see ourselves completely different from what others see. Don’t be hard on yourself. Your family and friends love you for the goodness you’ve given to them.
I think it’s awesome you’re friends with your childs mother. It doesn’t always happen that way.
Take care of yourself, and be safe!
Pay if FORWARD, not back. You’re friends and family do for you because it’s what we want to do, not because we expect anything back. We love you for who you are, even the parts we sometimes want to kick in the butt. You don’t have to believe that you’re a great man, just accept that you are, learn from it and share it with others.