Rebirth

This summer is my 20th reunion, and, just like all the others, I won’t be able to attend. The irony is that I have been outside the country for every one, and I wanted to attend all of them. The question is, why? I know that I would love to see the people, but is it for selfish reasons or am I really interested in how they have been over the last twenty years? Do I want to gloat over the things that I have learned about life, or do I really care about how well my ex-girlfriend and her husband and kids have been?

I also wonder what their idea of me is, and how much different I am from their image. In other words, how much of me can they take, when I know that I am so different from what I was and what they expect. You see, my changes have been drastic, and I really don’t know how others could deal with them. I think that Linkin Park wrote it best,

“One thing, I don’t know why,
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try.
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme,
To remind myself how I tried so hard,
In spite of the way you were mocking me,
Acting like I was part of your property,
Remembering all the times you fought with me.
I’m surprised it got so far…
Things aren’t the way they were before,
You wouldn’t even recognize me any more.
Not that you knew me back then,
But it all comes back to me in the end.
You kept everything inside,
And though I tried, it all fell apart.
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory,
Of a time when I tried so hard.”

Finally, I have to say that I feel new again. I have (as you can tell from the last eighteen or twenty months reading) had a number of issues to deal with. Ironically, I deal with them best when I deal with them alone, however, support is always welcome, and I must say that I appreciate this forum in which to vent. I also know that there are people that will disagree with my opinions, but still support me in my troubles, and I thank you for that.

Since I feel new again; reborn, as it were, I have to say that I could use the first and last stanzas that I wrote for Phoenix herself aimed directly at me, but, instead, I will simply say that, Phoenix, my dear, we have come full circle. Your poetry inspired a response from me, now that very response applies to ME. That being said, I have decided that I will remind myself that, no matter what anyone throws at me, I can, and will, rise from the ashes. Therefore, I have been inspired by my ex-wife, no less, as to what my next tattoo will be. It is a tribal phoenix designed to remind me that I can survive, no matter what.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding.

Carlo