People
I continually put too much faith in people and I am continually disappointed by them. My heart and mind say it is OK to trust. I just don’t have it in me to be cynical and hard.
I am always left behind. Men in general have always left me behind for different reasons. I was not rich enough… or cute enough… the list could be endless. I have made bad choices that have caused the same outcome. Even my worst half only married me because I was pregnant.
I can’t blame him. I can only blame myself. I allowed myself to become my own martyr for my son. In doing so the right one has given up the wait. I could have had complete and utter bliss… but because of my choice to keep my son happy and healthy minded the wait is over. Maybe this is just a sign that he was never the right one to begin with, but to me that sounds cynical and mean… and, as I said before, that is just not me.
I once said I wanted a life without regrets. Just to have someone love me was enough to keep them at bay. Now, even that is gone. Now I am living with regrets and that is the part that is tearing me apart. Is the pain worth it? Yes, because my son has two parents and I have kept it that way, in part, because I didn’t until recently.
I told him I was happy for him and I am. There is no reason for both of us to suffer unhappiness. I just don’t know if I can keep up the friendship knowing that it will now never be. I am struggling with my broken heart and a need to stay in his life.
Just once I want to hear someone say they love me without being prompted for it first. I want to see them say it… and then feel myself being wrapped in loving arms…
Just once… before my time is done.
I love you, Phoenix, and I hope that you get the opportunity to enjoy your lofe soon.
{{hugs}}
Sometimes, all our children want is for us to be happy. I don’t think we give them enough credit.
Maybe it’s time for a heart to heart with him, so you can start moving your life in a happier direction? You’re a warm, loving person – and there’s no reason for you to lock it up and put it away.
Hugs & Love
xox
Phoenix, you are a great woman with the most wonderful heart. I’m sending you all the love I can through the blogosphere. It’s my belief that God protects His giving, trusting ones. Have a nice cup of tea, read a good book and watch an uplifting movie. These bad times pass. I know. I’ve lived them. It’s my turn to prop you up. God Bless You. You deserve it.
“Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell, leads up to light.”
-Milton
I have traveled the darkened path also young lady, and understand the boogeymen that live behind the trees.
You too shall emerge from the mist to find yourself waiting on the other side.
I’m sorry you are hurting. No matter how few or how many regrets we have in life, we’ll let life pass us by if we focus on the regrets we have.
I have two major regrets. One having to do with a stepbrother’s suicide and one having to do with trusting in the wrong person.
I can’t let them eat me up and let life pass by.
Another thing? When I had the TIA in August, I knew exactly what was going through my mind as the doctors and nurses talked to my family over my head about ICU and life-altering changes. I was focused on the fact that I had been able to tell each of my children in the day or so previous, how much they truly mean to my life.
If your son knows that, Phoenix, then just go forward and see what life has to offer. I’m 43 and my life is only just beginning. If you need a friend, you know where I am.
You will find this love you seek although the path may be difficult. Only you know what is right for you and your situation. Difficult as it is, I can only counsel patience and faith. I know what you speak of and know you will find the way.
*HUGS*
Hugssssssssssssss