Well, I am at a turning point in my life. You see, I have always been the person that doesn’t rock the boat, except when it suits me, but now, I have the opportunity to stand up for my principles and, as the expression goes, “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!”
This particular issue involves my ex’s recent marriage. That is not the problem. The problem is that the relationship, until they got married, was a violation of regs, since she is an enlisted soldier and he is an officer.
So, the troubling part is, do I rock the boat and risk having her poisoning my son’s mind against me? Or, do I “just get by” and have trouble looking at the man in the mirror for the rest of my life?
What do you all think?
Stay out of it. You do no one any good by rocking this boat. Divorce is hard enough on children. When we keep letting our anger w/ the ex run the show, the kids are the ones who get hurt. The best thing for any kid is for the parents to act like adults. As long as your son is not in jeopardy, let it be. He will be better for your example.
I’m not talking out of my ass here. My son is a child of divorce and i have raised 3 step-children. i know what i’m talking about.
best to you carlo!
I would let it be, as the “powers that be” will probably find out without your stepping in. If it comes from someone outside, then you cannot be blamed for ‘ratting’ on her. She has friends, as does he, and someone is bound to find out. This way your son will look at you as a hero……..as he probably does anyway. Your son is the one who will get hurt if you do this.
If you let someone else handle it…then you can know that you did the right thing. IMHO
Merry Christmas!! from sunny/rainy Florida.
What I wish that I could explain is that I have seen what happens when the “Powers that be” are entrusted with the welfare of the Army. You see, my issue with this is that the overarching issue is a direct and deliberate violation of regulation, and I have an obligation to the Army, and to myself, to do something about it. What I should have said is, “Do I let this go, and risk becoming something that I loathe, or do I stay true to my principles and do what I know is the right thing?”
You see, I am loyal to this organization that I have committed 19 years of my life to, if for no other reason than it has, in general, done great things for me. I also acknowledge that those same “powers that be” already know about this and have decided to not do anything about it, so I would have to take it higher than them.
If they’re married now, and the Army is aware of it – then the Army has to also be aware of the time involved prior to the marriage. It isn’t going to go anywhere at this point, I don’t think – honestly. You would be swimming upstream and yes, I don’t think it would not be a good reflection of you in the process.
Merry Christmas, Carlo!
Unfortunately, I haven’t been sleeping well because of all of this. I have to do something, even if it goes nowhere after I do it, I have to know that I did the right thing for the Army, because that is what I have always expected of myself.
Babe… I need you to promise me one thing. I need you to promise to let this be until you get home. You don’t realize what else can happen besides a “poisoned mind”. I think I know this woman well enough from our conversations that she may try to take him from you, period. You have entrusted much to this person. Many of your belongings and your son. I think this time you need to think about the consequences long and hard. The new hubby could make life difficult as well.
By the time you are home and you can “see” them, then you will be able to make a wiser decision.
carlo, i applaud your principles, and the fact that you are the kind of man who want to be true to them . but i beg you to err on the side of caution here. i, like phoenix, am worried about the effedct to your son.
and carlo, you were entrusted with this soul to raise, and the power that trusted you to watch out for him is a much higher power than the pentagon!
My only thought…
Would you bother going higher than the powers that be if it was somebody else who you weren’t once married to? If it was just Joe that you know only because you once bunked next to eachother?
God Bless Carlo….
Carlo, I know what you’re talking about concerning the regs as I was an AF wife with an Army son and now a Marine son. I know how torn you are as a soldier about doing the right thing but I’m asking a favor of you from a different angle than your other commenters.
For the moment? do nothing. Concentrate only on YOU and your safety for your child. That’s what your son wants more than anything…for Daddy to come home safe. Put this out of your mind until you return home because YOU are more important than the two regulation breakers. Deal with it when you get home.
Personally, if this is something she told you about once you were deployed, I’m furious with HER. Women like that do not deserve men like you OR to wear the uniform themselves. You concentrate on YOU. At least till you are home safe. Please?
And guppyman? For the record? The WRONG person could say Carlo knows and guess what? He gets in trouble. Not very fair, is it? But the important thing is Carlo staying safe.
YEAH for Monica. Great comment. The only thing is that what if this decision is getting in the way of keeping himself safe? Personally, I believe it’s a decision that sucks either way. But by Carlo doing what is right for HIMSELF and being able to look in the mirror and like himself for it is a HUGE benefit for his son. Consequences are rotten, which I will be keeping my fingers crossed that the ex won’t be a hiney about all this. Good luck Carlo.