I am at a loss…
I just received a devastating phone call and I am at a loss for words. I don’t know how to help this person… and I am hoping that you will be able to give me some answers.
There is a beautiful person in my husbands side of the family; beautiful inside and out. She is always upbeat, kind, bubbly, quick to make you laugh, and just a good hearted soul. I have never heard her say a cross word – to anyone. She has rolled through the punches that have been dealt her without complaint and always smiling no matter what the circumstances. She married for love, but she could have done better. It is this love that has now placed her in dire straits.
She married my WH’s nephew. He is a good soul but one that is whacked on the wild side. He is does demolitions for civil war reinactments. He is afraid of no one and has been in trouble with the law at one time or another since I have known him. I was at their wedding. They married in her parents back yard. The preacher was dressed in an authentic civil war uniform… does that tell you anything?
They will take anyone in that needs a helping hand. Hearts as big as Texas when it comes to this kind of thing. They have harbored numerous friends when they needed a place to stay. Now mind you, their house is tiny compared to most. 2 bedroom, 1 bath up in the foothills of Ga. They live next door to a 100+ year old cabin. This house can’t be more than 1000 sq ft, if even that much.
She works tirelessly to keep them in that house. She has never been without a job. Once for extra money she work at Toys-R-Us and they begged her not to leave once the x-mas rush was over. This is how much people love her and her personality! She has never left a job that she couldn’t go back to.
Her old man on the other hand cannot keep a job. He has trouble with drinking and driving. He had just gotten his license back so he could work. But being a convicted felon limits the job possibilities. He has been helping out his uncle in NC open a bikers bar. Rarely home and so my niece has had to stay home endless weeks alone while he has been either away at his uncles or in jail.
Yet through all of this, she has remained with him out of love. I commend her spirit and loyalty… until today. They had opened their hearts and home one more time. A friend of her hubbys was staying with them. Apparently he was also in jail recently and on probation. This did not, however, teach this person a lesson. He had a safe in their house full of drugs. Pot and Meth. He was busted and all three of them were arrested. She had no idea, but because she owns the house… she was arested for trafficking. I am sure that right now this poor girl is crying her eyes out sitting in jail, and terrified beyond words.
They will lose everything. EVERYTHING that she worked so hard for. Everything that she struggled with already because her hubby is such a asshat. Countless times she has posted bond for him. Used what little money she had to bail him out of trouble… over and over again, all because she loved him. She was here for me the night my old man was busted. She stayed with me all night that night, even though my old man had taken her hubby down with him. They were both busted that night. I was this close |—| to going to jail myself that night. I know her fear and know what it feels like to be innocent and terrified. I feel that she does not deserve this and I want to do everything in my power to help her, only I am strapped for cash.
Her bond hearing won’t be until Monday. I can’t imagine what must be going through her mind right now. I know she is scared to death. She will lose her job if we can’t get her out on Monday. She may lose it anyways because of the charges. Because she is charged with this… they will take the house. She won’t be able to make her car payments.
She can’t go to her parents because her father just had a stroke. She does not want to make it worse on them… with worry. There is no other family here, besides her hubbys two daughters. They can’t help with this either that we know of right now.
I am at a loss and am sitting here in tears for this girl… knowing her pain and helpless at the moment to help her. What do I do? I am angry. I am worried about her. I am pissed at the thoughtlessness of others. How dare they put her in this situation. My WH’s family are fiercely loyal to each other, but they are and have been nothing but trouble for me and others who happen to come into their lives.
Sigh… what can I do to help her?
I wish I could help, but for knowing that you were in the same spot a few years ago…..except for not being arrested yourself. I will send prayers for her. Think at this time..is all you can do too.
Wendy- As I read this I feel your pain which is not unusual because you are one very loving and caring person. I know little to offer you or say other than I will keep her as well as you in my thoughts and prayers.
I also would like to remind you after the scare with a friend of mine this weekend we all need to take care of ourself. Please make certain you are doing that for you as well as for me. You have become one very important friend to me.
Sending special thoughts and love your way.
I am going to tell you something first so that you know where the comment is coming from.
I am an ex drug dealer (pot) and was on for 15 years.
That’s said, your niece should have left him along time ago.
I know the vows state for better or for worse but nightmare is what this sounds like and that wasn’t in the vows.
He not only doesn’t care about himself he definitely doesn’t care about her or he wouldn’t be getting her into trouble.
He sounds selfish.
I think the main focus here should be on getting her out of jail and with people that care and love her.
What she looses at this point is not relevant, her freedom is.
I don’t see her going to jail especially when the judge sees her record next to his.
It will obviously show that she has not been in trouble.
Using her work record, it could be shown that she worked for her house also and he has no work record.
All is not lost yet.
Just remember, material property can be replaced but a life can’t.
I see him at the beginning of his stage right now and he is only going to get deeper and deeper and if she stays with him then he will bring her down with him.
He is weak and will succumb to his weaknesses forever.
She may become a user herself if she hasn’t already, it’s only a matter of time before the frustration turns into defeat and not caring takes over.
It’s up to you and the rest of her family to open her eyes for her to take a good look at what she has and why she is loosing it.
She needs to leave him.
One way love is not love, it’s self inflicted slavery and abuse.
Get her out of jail and get her out of that marriage before she forgets how to smile.
These are just my opinions
I wish her the best of luck
What this girl needs is a good lawyer. First to get her out of jail and clear of these charges, second to try and save her home from confiscation, and third to get her out of this so called marriage.
You know what? You both ought to get together, move out of your situations and get an apartment. Then you can be away from the people that are causing most of your problems, and the money situation isn’t as difficult as going it alone…
I cant help but agree with walker, semitough, and Carlo.. Very smart people here!
I left a twenty year marriage for many of the same reasons..and because I deserved better. It will be painful, but she ( and you ) can do it. I’d rather be alone, like I am now, than with someone I have to take care of.
Ditto what Carlo said. It’s much easier when you can share the financial and emotional difficulties. Just make sure she stands up for herself, and lets the lawyer know that she has a stable job, house etc.
wow – too many thoughts going thru my mind to fit into one comment space. Glad you have BIL to help w atty, will pray for you and your niece.