Calculating your age the hard way…
A=Waking up 6:30 am + C=WH taking shower.
Distance of point A to point B= 4 steps.
Pause to wipe sleep from eyes X WH exiting point C.
Point C to point D= 4 steps.
Wipe sleep from eyes again.
Point B to point E= 4 steps.
Factor in WH not using towel on floor in tiled bathroom.
Add in 5′ 7″, aged, menopausal and sleepy woman stepping on a wet tiled floor.
Rate of descent= 1 parsec per feet of height + limbs flaying in desperate attempt to slow same rate of descent.
Limbs in askew in unnatural formation + decending upon trashbin + back raking down clothes hamper + not pee’d yet + gutteral obscenities + unsympathetic WH + a bladder weakened from a 9+ lb baby= 5′ 7″, aged, menopausal and sleepy woman with pulled groin muscles, bruises, aching back, sore knee and a wet bottom not from floor.
This 5′ 7″, aged, sore, and no longer sleepy menopausal woman is getting out the ben gay and taking out stock in the linen industry and Smith & Wesson Firearms…
I’m just sayin’…
