Fathers Day. This is a day that should be celebrated with the man that helped to bring you life. I wish that could be so… or not. You see I can’t be sure of how I feel about this day. You see my dad was never there for me. Ever. He missed many things because he left us when I was three. I was not the only child victim of this man. He did the same thing to 2 more children before me. They were also young and needed him around. You can see why this day is not a great one for me.
I searched for him once. I found out about the older kids and about some younger ones that fateful day. I found family I never knew I had. Growing up an only child, or so I thought, was difficult at best. Of those half-siblings, I have only met one. He is a real gem and is named after my father. I don’t stay in touch as I should, but hopefully he knows I love him.
I also found out on that fateful day a few more things. First that he had died the year before of pancreatic cancer. Second that he had lived only an hour away from me growing up. How f’ed up is that? He never tried to search for me. He never cared if I was alive or dead. I am not sure how I would have reacted to him if he had been alive. Tears, anger, or questions… I just don’t know. No way to know now anyway… and besides, I had some of the best father figures without him.
So on this day of honoring the dads of the world, I want to honor those that were my shining lights. My step dad I have now is at the top of the heap in my little world. He cares about my mother and me and would do anything he could for either of us. Don, you are more of a Dad to me than anyone ever has been in my life and for that you have my never-ending love, respect and admiration. You ARE my dad and I love you.
Next come those uncles I spoke about on Memorial Day. They were my inspirations, disciplinarians and teachers as a child and as an adult. My maternal grandfather was also a shining example of what a father should be. I was young when he died but I will never forget the things he taught me, like tying my shoes – backwards. I will never forget any of them and I hope I will see them all again someday.
My Uncles and my Grandfather, 1957
To all of you dads out there… Happy Fathers Day. Keep your children close. Hug them lots and never forget to say “I love you” to your kids daily. I promise you they will never forget you did, or did not.
