My answer to Carlo

I believe that meeting be it e-mail, pen pal, instant message or phone, in the beginning, can strengthen a relationship. You have the chance to get to know the person inside, without the body parts getting in the way. You have the chance to get to know the mind and heart of the person. In other words you can be friends first. By the time you meet the outer parts are insignificant.

The body parts above and below the waist have a way of over ruling what your mind should be telling you. Why is it that lust should overtake the mind? I think that lust in the beginning is what ruins so many marriages and relationships. We never take the time to get to know that person before jumping into a bed. If we did take the time, there would be many more lasting marriages and not so many less-than-a-year divorces.

My personal experience on this subject was pure lust. It started that way… and stayed that way until he killed it, slowly. If I had taken the time to get to know him on a more personal level, I would have known we were no where near alike. He has many beliefs that disgust me. His likes are not my own.

He does not dance, does not read, doesn’t go to movies nor does he enjoy a variety in music. I love to do all these things. His interests are fishing, gardening, berating others, hard classic rock (his only choice in music), and just plain redneckism (i.e.: spitting, belching and farting in public, drinking beer and smoking pot). He is Catholic, I am not. He is the Archie Bunker of today, and I am not (I like everyone until they prove to me they are not worth my time). I gave up all the things I loved in a stupid case of lust. Will I do this again? NO!

I also do not make friends easily. We moved too much in my life as a child to make them. I have made some very poor choices in my life but there are a few that I am particularly proud of. As far as online friends Carlo, Gidget, Mark, Deckie, Wayne and Donna and well, you can add in all of my Y! Trivia friends from the old days. But those first six? They are the ones that count. Carlo is and always will be top of the list. I trust him with every iota of my being. Gidget was and always will be my hot tub partner and although we don’t know each other that well, she is steadfast and true. Mark was a love that soured, but with time we mended fences and remain close friends. He knows me as well as anyone can, and for his friendship now I am forever grateful. Deckie… she is true to herself and those of us that she calls friends. She has helped me through some of my roughest times. She is a rock in a world full of pebbles. Wayne is my editor, my friend and another steadfast soul that never gave up on me when so many others did. I owe him so much that could never be repaid. Donna is a quiet, gentle soul way on the otherside of this vast world we live in. She has a heart of gold and enough love in it to feed the entire earth.

People have come and gone in my life, but I know that those six people will always be a part of me. I have only three IRL friends that I can call special. One I met online and in person, and she is a treasure that I have neglected lately. It is time I caught up with her. The others have been in my life for years and they are the Godmother’s of my son. Leslie and her spouse, Obie will always be considered part of my family. They have treated me as part of their family ever since we met.

There is a poem I wrote that sums this up quite nicely. Friends first, lovers second will always be my motto from here on out. Oh, BTW I love you guys! You are all my heroes!