It just walks up silently and bites you right in the ass when you least expect it.
I received a call this evening from a very good friend. We worked together in the same bar where and when we both met our men. I can remember her clearly laughing at me when I saw my man the for the first time. He was married at the time and I was not aware of it but she knew. I turned to her after watching him walk past me and said with a very straight face “I am going to marry him some day!” Three or four years later I did. He was ruggedly handsome with the greenest eyes I had ever seen. She said “Girl, he’s married!”. I didn’t care… I just knew (wish now I hadn’t but thats another story).
Soon after she met her man. A New Jersey biker with long hair and a laid-back southern type of attitude. They were perfect for each other. We went through everything together, her and I. Our first dates, our first times with our men, and eventually our marriages. She fought that last part for a long time insisting that she didn’t need to fix something that wasn’t broke. I was with her when she went through her first divorce and I knew that was what held her back from marrying this guy… fear of divorce and loss. But, as I said, eventually he convinced her they were meant for each other and they married amongst their biker friends up in a local park for 2-wheels only. That was about 5 years ago.
We drifted slowly apart as sometimes happens with friends. I didn’t drive up to see them as much. Hubby and son would stop by there at times on their way back from Lake Lanier to say hi and catch up. I would not go so I would not have to spend that much time with the old man. Now that is a huge regret.
Last time my old man and son stopped by (late January) they found out that he had gotten sick and was so bad at the time that he was not accepting visitors. He was to the point of not getting out of bed. Cancer was the culprit but what kind I do not know. When they got home that day he told me about it and I made a mental note to call her to make sure she was okay. That mental note got lost in the office move at work and the day to day activities of life. I finally remembered and called this last weekend. No one was home but I left her a concerned message and asked her to call when she got in. No call came, that is, until today.
What she told me shook me to my core. First was the trembling in her voice and the very apparent weakness there. She then told me that he had gotten worse and was moved to a hospice in Florida near Tampa and his mother. That was around the 1st of February. He was there 19 days and on that 19th day he went to sleep and never woke up. That wonderful guy was gone and she was left bereft of his presence. She told me she could not stand being in their house for more than 3 days at a time and had been spending time with family and friends. They never had children together, but he did from a previous marriage and that was perfect for her. She was never the Mommy type and his were grown enough that she didn’t have to deal with the “I hate the step-mom” routine. His kids loved her because they were old enough to know Dad was finally happy.
We cried together on the phone for a while. But it just wasn’t enough, you know? I wanted so badly to reach through that damn phone and hold her until we both couldn’t cry anymore. I still do as I sit here typing this. It is like the end of an era in a way. Her guy is gone from us through medical reasons and my marriage is over too. I never thought it would come to this way back those 20 or so years ago. So much has changed in both of our lives from the days of what I like to think of as a kind of innocence we had back then. We both knew what we wanted and we both got it, but as life goes on you realise too late what you have and/or had. She finally had the perfect love and I, well, I thought I did.
A friend is gone now… and I will keep him in my heart… alive and vibrant with a laugh that could brighten a whole room. Another friend sits broken and I will do what I can to help mend her. Life is just too darn short. As that song goes: Live Like You Were Dying
You will be missed Dean.
