Well, it is that time… the pre-teenage years. In just a few weeks my son turns 12, and he is turning into the evil twin. Lying comes naturally to him, hiding things has become his calling and getting him to do anything is a virtual struggle. To get his attention you must yell and fuss at him non-stop. I can’t get him to bed at a normal hour, and getting him up in the morning is torture. I am usually awakened by the voice of his father yelling at him at the top of his lungs to get out of bed and get dressed (and no I am not the first one up in the mornings either).
His only agenda is what he wants. If he doesn’t get it he will pester you until he does get it. His dad and I get along “ok” now because we have a common agenda… it is us against the evil twin. We collectively try all sorts of things to put the fear of reprisal in him, but it seems “dad” won’t follow through when it comes to crunch time. If I put out a punishment, dad will over rule me and let him off restriction. He just plain gives in. My son needs a better father figure already, and for him to make me out to be the “bad guy” every time irritates me even more. Is this dad’s way of making me look bad when the big “D” comes around?
I know that most of this is my fault. I hide from having to deal with his father here on the net, which has taken time away from my son. I just plain neglect him at times. BUT, I don’t feel as though I should have to be the father and the mother when both are in the house. All through my sons life when it was time for something to be done my son became “your son”. IE: “You need to take your son to the doctor.”
When we were house hunting, who did all the leg work? Me. Who made all the decisions? Me. Who made all the appointments? Me. When things didn’t turn out right, who took the blame? Well of course! Me! Who is still taking all the blame? Sigh Me. So to deal with all the reprisals and to escape his non-stop bitching about life and everything else, I turned to the only medium I had… here. My husband hates everything and everyone in authority, everyone who is not white, and the fact that he is “poor” and the rich man has it made. When he got in trouble with the law it just made it worse and made me escape deeper. I have no social life as he ran off all my friends. I can’t go out to get away from him and so my son has paid the price of my inability to deal with his father.
I am now trying the reward system for good behavior and getting chores done. A week of perfect chore doing gets him a prize… a movie, bowling, etc. A month of perfect chores gets him an extra special prize. Passing 5th grade will get him a trip with just me to Michigan to see my brother and family this summer. His half-sister has now jumped on the bandwagon and promised him if he passes she will take him to Cancun. I personally think that was just to make my trip with Mike look bad, but I am struggling to come up with the money to go as it is and she, on the other hand, is not struggling for money. She is also her fathers daughter and would naturally want to make “them” look better. Sigh, I just can’t win.
So far my reward system is half way working, and to me that is a major break through. I have been spending more time with him, but we still have a long way to go. I think the only way life will be better for both me and my son is to break away from his dad… but that I am afraid is still a ways down the road.
